new life of me

                               Actually there should be no more secret for me to wrote at here
on 10/9/2013 its my the most happy , awesome and lovely day .. i will always remember that in my life because thats was the only precious one that came in my life ... i love and wish to stay with my precious one forever and ever but i couldnt just i cant afford to do it since i was still young , just 21 years old and i cant do anything else and dont have any other choice to stay with my precious one . everything had destroy by the fuckard idot bastard and the most fucking bastard bad guy in the world KZF have nearly destroy me and my precious one future , lucky god and my lovely and warm family have stay with me and support me from the previous till now , lucky god bless me and give me another chance ... my beloved lovely family god had give me a chance to continue my life with my precious one .. i am really feel so thankful to god and my lovely and warm beloved family , if not because of my beloved grandmother and my father and all my beloved , lovely and warm family ,  really dont know how i continue my life .. that time maybe my life and my precious one destroy by the THE MOST FUCKING BASTARD BAD GUY IN THE WORLD KZF , lucky god and beloved warm and lovely family have give me and my precious one to continue my life , i believe from the day my precious one had be the most lucky one to be alive .. i know he will have a better and happy lifestyle in the future and will be long life although he cant really have the real family , but he already have everything more than that , because he have he own beloved and lovely warm family too after been failed so many times , i just feel i am not suitable to stay with he because i nearly destroy he life too , but lucky everything just turn fine and i have do what i have to do to give my precious one a better lifestyle . all the bad personalities i have try all my best to change during the time , but not matter how hard i try i also cant do it till now even after everything nearly been completed but i also cant do it , its really hard but i believe and all what i can do just cross hand and pray to god pls bless my precious one will sleep early and wont be like me , but dont worry lucky this was not diseases ... its was just my habit , i am myself and my \precious one are heself , so i believe everything will be change and i will pray for my precious one too and the habit will been change , lucky everything have going smoothly and fine my precious one are everything normal same goes with the health , although i cant give he the better future , so i had to let go he for he good but i will cross my hand and pray to god to bless my precious one all the time in my life when i pray to god , this the only things i can do fro my precious one , but anyway i feel very happy after failed so many times lucky finally my precious one are been stay with the family from a good background and high in education , and its come from warm , lovely family and lucky my precious one got he lovely parents and grandmother , i really feel happy and really thanks very much to god blessed my precious from beginning till now he have a beloved and lovely warm family finally , just hope on the future i can cross my hand and pray all the best for my precious one all the time i pray to god , and hopefully when he was 20 something the parents 70 something and me 40 something , i will met my precious one , lucky the people that adopt my precious one are good people and also pray to buddhist and they have wait for 10 years for their precious one till now , so i am appreaciate them and i will cross hand pray to god to take care well my precious one , and give he a better , happiness future lifestyle with a high education . so i have promise myself to let go because i really cant give my precious one a better lifestyle and let he been happy in the future , now he got everything and everything have going smoothly and finally my precious one can stay happily with the good background with a high educational family and parents , everything are good dy , its already no more worries . not matter how think , keep on complaining , and talk to myself , my precious one wont be back to my side anymore , its really torture me and harmful but not matter how once decide and for my precious one good in the future , i have to let go not matter how . but anyway how i will cross my hand pray to god to bless my precious one all the time when i pray to god in my life . lucky i still can spend my lovely , sweet and warm two days in hospital with my precious one that time and i have all the lovely , cute and handsome picture. my whole family and friend especially me myself want my precious one but anyway how for my precious one good , i have to let go , and try to forget and the only things i only can cross hand pray to god my precious one will stay happily  and been blessed with the beloved , lovely warm family. anyway how i have been in house for more than 4 months , hospital 2 days and lastly confinement centre for 2 weeks . but i dont feel anything , i just feel everything are great , fine and happily when the moment come on 10/9/2013 look at my precious one look normal , safe , happy , warm , lovely , cute and handsome stay with a good background with high educational beloved , lovely warm family and been blessed by god , i just dont want to request anything anymore . Lastly , I am waiting you my 
precious one in my life :)

Last time i use to be very sturborn and dont want to hear any advises from parents 

always feel myself are right and everything say out are true and think self so clever 

but now i just hope i can overcome everything to be better and not to give up in my life eventhough there are still long way journey to go ... its going to tough , easy or not matter how ... just hope there are DELETE button in my life ... remove all the fucking damn bloddy hell bad memories with all the bastard guy especially the most fucking bastard bloddy hell cut into pieces and let dog eat also no people want FUCKING ASSHOLE KZF ... my life are totally accidently half been destroyed by the the most fucking bastard bloddy hell cut into pieces and let dog eat also no people want FUCKING ASSHOLE KZF ... lucky god have give me a chance and let my beloved family help me alot alot alot and wake me up to become much better if not i had give up in my life dy .... its already enough and more than enough and blessed ... no one could be so lucky as i am now , i am really 100% satisfied my life are started and bright again with the help from my beloved family ... now the only things i can cross my hand and pray to god my life pls dont have any changes anymore ... i just hope and i rather sacrified just want my beloved family can live and survive happy and safely forever and ever , its already enough and the only things no one had request or support me to do but i just can do that let me feel much better . this few months i had really see and learn alot , pray hope that there are no anymore changes and i am really hope to change all my bad attitude and personalities towards everyone especially my beloved family and especially siblings but just dont know how to change it ... its really hard for me to change eventhough now had arrive few days to go i still cant change it , its really really so so so hard for me .... i just cross my hand and pray to god i want to change all my negative thinking and become a normal people .. can i ? now only i realize in this world other than beloved family , god , me myself , there are no one can believe anymore , except they all other are just strangers for me 

Life

      Facebook have become my lifestyle just because there are no one could understand what am i thinking and what to describe ... each of the words i dont really want to express out and do it by action , just i am really tired to explain , i am just too tired and just take it whaever what u want to think and say or judge about me .. i am ok with it .. because there are nothing much can i say , i feel very lonely when saw those couple hold hand and go out together ... i have been cheated another time and this time i really fucking hate myself , why am i sooo stupid been cheated ... i really dont understand why am i soo dry till make me sooo cheap and dirty even bitch also cant replace... this world its full of soo many fake people and all the guys are super blooded and brainless people dy .... no one i can trust , its super suck ..... 
first i am soooooo lifeless now 
just finish training 
just finish study and
want to get ready for take license 
and go for the report and presentation 
but still need to find work 

Soreee Father :'(

i really soreee for everthing that i have done and really thanks alot to my beloved family , father , mother and lovely grandmom and really really from my sincere heart i want to sayyyyy soreeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee and thanks alot from u all protection , really have give me alot of love and everything that have been done and get ready for me .. but i really hope for more freedom and i really cant control myself for being look at that Bitch its was make me totally change to another people around me and let people around me being soo hurt , but i really dont mean that , but i cant control it cos once i put it down its make me feel everything thats goes something wrong to me , i really hate to seee that BITCH and really hope HER can get out from my life forever and ever so wont make me soo being soo bad and change to other people or hurt people around me especially to my beloved father and lovey grandmom , thats y i choose to leave malaysia and go to singapore and to let me avoid from that BITCH , and let me slow slow change myself to become better and start over my life in singapore , let me being alone and find out whats i want and try to change myself to think positive from negative and forget everything bad from my personalities and attitude , i just want to change and become BETTER and BETTER and i will swear to my god and thanks alot i will change and wont become bad but become even BETTER TO MY LOVELY GRANDMOM , FATHER AND ALL MY SUPER LOVELY BROTHER AND EVERYONE AROUND ME THAT CARE MEEE :)

May 2012

This month i really feel myself so lifeless , useless and helpless but lucky there are still another ppl can accompany me go through all this problem ..there are so many things happening recently , majority of my friend ady got bf especially my best sista chai mei , she ady got the beloved one and she gonna back to her hometown by tmr .. people say when love can change people and now i really can believe it .. just saw many cases when people in love , are totally forget their friend but i wrong say them fault because its also because of my fault due to family problem and personal problem .. should be say Family pro ... there are really alot things happening .. i just hope i can faster finish my training in here and went to Singapore . there are the only my wish .. not matter how hard i cant leave my family and beloved grandmom ... i also need to leave here because i need to earn money fast and need to find the true life of myself .. maybe not going , i also want to stay outside when start training time because i am really stress out of my life because of family problem really make me soo tired and crazy all the time . i just hope they wont give me any stress and pls let me freedom .. i dunwan to make my life soo complicated and dunwan make people around me so tired because of me . can be say that all this time its very tired for me especially i am just finish study and graduated .. need to find hotel for intership is ady become my burden and i  really hope can faster find it and faster work .. anyway i am soo worrying about my exam because now my life are just no work and study life .. just sit at home and everyday thinking about my intership stuff and keep on finding hotel ... i feel i am soo lifeless and i am really admit it .. feel i can go to take license and go to work in my father shop but now feel like cant do anything =((( just can sit at home and waiting the tme to pass each day per each day and PRAY HARDER TO GET MY INTERSHIP PLACEMENT * AMITABHA ... i am soo just hope it and now i have my complicated relationship with chris .. i just hope he can faster accept me because within 3 months its really so long for us and we only can meet sometimes .. its really so tiring just hope can get a kl hotel placement and get parents permission to move out for 3 months .. and at the same time also hope can more easy for meet with chris but thats not the main point ... THE MAIN POINT is i just need a quiet place to have my freedom and try to have the reality of myself .. i am really tired and stress and at the same time lifeless , family , relationship , money and job :'( 

Friend

           Friend can be say important when u are lonely but sometimes they need you because of u background , and i have be soo open minded and wont be so stupid anymore because there are no use for me to think again and again ~ i really wonder whats the problem now

2012 Life =)

       In the new year of 2012 i have met alot of friend there are few new friend that have teach me alot and join me and chai mei , who are the funny and rich guy wing wah , annoying guy kenneth , sweetest couple yao khoo and jessica , handsome guy gary , two guy tat met in club can be considered as a fate gua ~ jase and chuen fung but they have just make me dissapointed after all .. anyway still very enjoying the every life and every moment with them not matter in the club or somewhere else .. and sometimes will have a fighting but that also because of my problem , i feel that i am just too sensitive and always cant control my hot tempered but later on its just realize me whats the meaning of friend , and family .. is make me realize alot of things after experience with them but the sad things is i have just ignore my work and be addicted to club always is make me feel abit guilty .. but thats was not because i am getting busy and busy now ... just finish all my assignment , presentation and workshop and this week gonna be my study week =) need to get more time in focusting my study and get ready for my final test on 30/4/2012 .. after that gonna get ready for all my resume and interview >.< while waiting for the confirmation .. i am still need to take my car license and i will be owe alot to my father and need to pay back after work because this month i gonna stop my work because of my study week and exam next month start gonna be my busy week too =) anyway i am feel happy and tired and unhappy sometimes too in this whole week and month .. is gonna be my crazy year of 2012 .. i have think alot after my lovely cousin had overseas to china , finally he done it and now already in china wish he good luck =) ... its make me also think want to faster finish my training and gonna fly to Singapore too because first i need to faster earn money and give my father and lovely grandmom , second i dunwan make my life become so complicated stay here its only make me become more bad and crazy all the time .. i need a time to let me have a good life in Singapore although i need start a new life and try to learn everything from Zero and begin with my new life of Allycia =)